Friday, November 1, 2013


Tuesday October 29, 2013
I bought my wedding dress. I love it.

A few hours later, the bank calls me, wanting to verify that I did indeed make that purchase, since it was a large chunk of money all at once.
I told them "yes, I approve that transaction."

Thursday October 31, 2013
Tyler and I drove around to some apartments to get an idea of what is in the area. I let him drive the bug, since it is a manual and he'll need to get used to its quirks and I'm already comfortable with the car. Since he's still just getting used to it, a bit more fuel than the car typically goes through was used. No biggie. I didn't realize it was on the verge of empty until I had to leave later, though.

Friday November 1, 2013 at 1:30 am
After spending nearly an hour battling with the vehicle's driver's seat (that would not stay in place), I'm finally able to head home. Only the fuel meter isn't rising above the "empty" line. So I use the gasbuddy app and find the closest station that serves diesel. 0.84 miles away for the closest, nearly 3 for the next. 0.84 miles it is.

I arrived to the gas station, parked by a diesel pump, and swiped my card. "Denied". Swipe again. "Denied". Two more times - "Denied - Please see cashier." The station inside is closed, all the lights are off. A young guy in a car pulled up to the pump across from me. He looked to be somewhere between 19 and 23. Had a bluish/gray flat brimmed hat, a t-shirt, baggy jeans, and white vans tennis shoes. He asks if he can help me at all. I ignored him at first. Then he keeps talking, says he wants to help me. I explained "my card is denied, I'm just going to try another pump. I don't need help."

He sticks around. He suggests that I'm being rude and that I don't need to be upset at him. I told him "Look, I'm tired and frustrated, sorry."

Pull up to another pump. Swipe my card. "Denied". He pulls around next to the pump I'm at and continues to offer his help. I continue to try and ignore him as I desperately walk around the pumps trying to get a good enough cell signal to call Tyler and explain the situation. This guy keeps nagging me "I want to help you. Look, I can help you. Let me help you." While on the phone with Tyler, I turn around and say "if you could help me and pay $10 of fuel, that would be a God-send. A prayer answered. I would be so grateful."
"Look, I can give you $20 in fuel. But what can you give me?"

From the time he pulled up and wouldn't ignore my first "I don't need help", I knew he might be trouble.

So I started to tell him "I can't give you anything. I have nothing."

"But I'll give you $20. What can you give me?"
"Nothing, I can't give you anything, I can't do anything for you, I'm sick, I'm poor, I have nothing. I'm on the phone with my fiance."

"Yeah look, you could still give me something. Okay, I know he's your fiance, but I want to help you, and then... what can you give me?"

At this point, I had lost signal with Tyler and was prepping my phone to dial 9-1-1.

He kept pushing "I can give you help if you can give me something."

I told him "are you suggesting I get in the car with you and do stuff with you?"
"No no no no no no no, you don't have to get in the car with me. No no no."
"Dude, you're creeping me out. I don't want to do anything for you. And if you are wanting me to do 'stuff' with you, then I am calling the cops right now. You are creeping me way out."
"No no no no no no no, don't call the cops, I just want to help you, and then you can give me something back."
"You want to help me? You can leave, I don't like you, you are creeping me out. Please leave! Get out of here!! LEAVE!"

"Alright, I'll leave...."

and he drives slowly away.

I got back to a place where I had signal and called Tyler again and started sobbing. He finally got to the station, came over and I just sobbed on his shoulder for a minute. He had me describe the guy, the car he was driving... said if he was there, he would have ripped the guys head off. I could tell he was pissed. Not with me, but that someone would harass me like that.

We put 2 gallons in the tank with his card.

I've been up for the past few hours trying to figure out why this all happened... and I was looking up reasons your card can be denied at the fuel pump.

My stupid bank probably still has my debit card on hold because buying my dress sent up a red flag.

Thanks America First, I could have been raped or kidnapped tonight. I already freaking verified that the transaction is approved (the money still hasn't been taken out of my bank yet, either).

You didn't send me the alerts a few weeks ago when I had withdrawn FIVE TIMES and lost $125 for over-drafting. (Fortunately I got $100 of that back by going in and having Tyler help me explain the situation.)

Will be calling them tomorrow. I know the person I get on the phone will likely have no control over their flagging/holding/suspending policies, so I will not get upset with them. I will, however, try and figure out why my card was denied, get it fixed, and then ask who I can talk to about complaints.

I've never given a real complaint to a business/company before. However, I feel this one is necessary.

I had Tyler follow me about halfway home. I had my pocket knife open and in my lap the whole drive home. Tomorrow (assuming my debit card works...) I will be buying pepper spray that I will carry with me ALWAYS.

I've always wanted a concealed weapons permit. Now I want one more than ever. Had that creep tried to touch me, I would have fought back so hard. However, I know I'm a small person and he probably could have taken me down. I was planning on screaming, biting, kicking, and aiming all my strength at his crotch. I'm so grateful I didn't have to do any of that. I'm also grateful I am safe and came away unharmed. I learned a lot tonight.

So that was my creepy Halloween.

Update - called the bank. My card is not frozen. It is likely the gas station. I'm never going there again.

Saturday, June 8, 2013


My creativity is buzzing
But I'm broke bored as can be.
So I guess I'll just keep typing
And make some poetry.

It's nothing special, really
Just some words that rhyme
That fit in simple stanzas
And match in rhythm and time.

I can't think of anything
That is worth sharing right now
I guess I'll just keep typing
Ah who the heck am I kidding

I'm so bored.

So bored I can't even make a poem.

Sunday, June 2, 2013


Is being engaged really all that bad? Is it just the most stressful thing in the world? Does nobody understand you at all? Is being married going to solve all of your problems? Is waiting too hard?

There are harder things in life you could be going through. Be grateful they're not happening to you. Your fiance didn't just die in a car wreck. Your fiance is not laying in his/her death bed, having just received a diagnosis of terminal cancer. Your fiance did not just get deployed over seas to fight in the wars. You aren't scraping up your family's life savings just to make the trip to the temple.
You're freaking GETTING MARRIED. BE HAPPY! Do you really want to remember the time leading up to the most important day of your life as being this stressful? Do you want people to remember you as being the bride who sulked and complained and had little hissy fits? Or would it be nice to recall this time of preparation as a time of spiritual and personal progress, developing a different kind of work ethic, and learning how to manage priorities, all while coming closer to your family, and gaining love for the person you are going to spend time and all eternity with?

Have peace. You. Are. Getting. Married. IN THE TEMPLE. You are an extraordinarily rare, lucky couple.

I know things get stressful and hard. I have no doubt that not everything will be rainbows and butterflies when my time comes. But for goodness sake, enough with the complaints! Nothing drives me up the wall more than hearing whining brides on campus EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

"It's so hard to wait 6 more weeks!"
"He's off track this semester, I miss him so much!"
"We can't decide what venue to choose from for our reception. His mom wants this, but I really want this! This is too stressful. Ugh!"
"Our cousins are trying to find a place to stay and I don't really want them staying with me two full days before the wedding... I need my space!"

I have not felt the desire to slap this many people in a very long time, if ever.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


This may be quite ironic, maybe even hypocritical, coming from a lady who can belch at decibels equivalent to that of a grown man three times her size. However, I find that talking, whispering, any audible communication of any kind during a performance in a concert hall, is probably one of the rudest things you could possibly do.
When I belch, I belch by a campfire in between the sharing of funny stories.
Not in the middle of class, not when my grandmother is sharing life stories, not in the presence of figures of authority.
When there is a person (or people) on stage, the house lights are dimmed and everyone around you is focusing on the stage, there should not be a peep coming out of your mouth unless it is a matter of life and death.
Have we become such a selfish enough culture that we cannot take ourselves into a concert setting, turn off our social media, and turn our attention towards a performance? Must we open our mouths and blurt out the first thing that comes into our mind and draw attention towards ourselves? Why are we at the concert? Here's another question - why is the person on stage performing? There are many, many answers for this. However, most of the time, especially when it comes to a soloist, the person on stage performing has worked countless hours, sacrificed time, money, social outings, maybe even a few meals in order to complete everything on their busy schedule. But they do this because they have a passion. They have honed in on their talents, have put forth a real effort, and are now creators. They have learned how to capture an emotion, a story, a scene, an idea, and they are sharing a piece of their heart and soul. They are there to give us an experience - one that they have been enduring for weeks now, maybe even months or years!
As humans, we thrive on communication. Music is a delicate, intense, unique, artful form of communication. When somebody is telling us a secret, sharing their life experience, giving us a lesson, or baring their testimony, it is expected that we would give them our undivided attention. We listen. We try to grasp what they are sharing with us, and we process this information in our minds. We then form thoughts, and at the appropriate time, we are often given the option to respond.
Music is the exact same way. As soon as the person walks onto the stage, their story has begun. Until they signal that their dialogue is complete, our attention should be on their message. Following the completion of their message, we can then respond with applause, and then be on our merry way. Now, being human, we naturally can become distracted. We may not catch everything they are sharing. We may drift off. That's normal! But for the sake of respect, courtesy, and elementary manners, do NOT disregard the person on stage by opening your mouth and sharing your own form of communication with those around you. It is disrespectful not only to the performer on stage, but the people in the audience as well. There may very well be somebody there in need of emotional/mental/spiritual healing. They may be experiencing a performance such as this for their very first time. They could have a family member or other loved on on the stage and are there to support that person for all of the hard work they have dedicated themselves for. They could even simply just enjoy being there, listening to music (now isn't that an idea??). Consider the fact that most concert halls carry sound very well, which is why we have performances in them, and then consider the idea that audience members may be in attendance for very serious reasons. Or if they are only there for entertainment, consider this - if you really enjoy swimming in a pool and relaxing, would you be alright with somebody coming and standing by you and then peeing in the pool? No! It's -literally- tainting your enjoyable experience! Talking in a concert is absolutely no different. Sound carries, and your form of verbal communication is pee in their swimming pool.

Children, I believe, are exempt from this rule. They should be taught and encouraged to follow as much as they can, but we know their sense of self-control is still limited.
Illness may also prevent an audience member from remaining silent. You can't always stop the human body from needing to clear bronchial passageways or expel an offensive particle from the sinus cavities. That is just part of life.
And of course, there is a special place in my heart for those with disabilities. I believe these beautiful souls go without saying.
But for those of us who are capable of following standard procedure, know how to properly communicate, and can grasp the concept of remaining silent - unless you are having a heart attack, somebody is assaulting you, or you see somebody with a detonator, you can keep your mouth shut for a few minutes longer.
I promise you, it is possible.

The performer on stage and the people around you will appreciate it so kindly.

That is all.

Monday, February 25, 2013


There are a number of reasons as to why I plan on continuing my education in a field other than music. While  I would absolutely love performing as a career*, I know the field is far too competitive and I simply am not at the top. I could get there, I could be at the top. I know I have all of the potential, drive, talent, and knowledge. But that would take time away from the family that I desire to have more than anything in the world. So am I sacrificing music for family? Some might see it as such, but I think a more accurate description would be.. I am sacrificing a life centered on improving my talents, in exchange for hopefully bringing children into the world and giving them the opportunities to bring good into this troubled world, explore and learn and love as I have, yet through their own eyes and in their own individual ways. Let them find passions and drive, let them learn through struggles, and ultimately find love and happiness in doing the work the Lord calls them to do.

Family is one reason why I plan on not having a performance career.

I believe I need to be prepared. Until I left for school in Idaho, I never lived outside of "Tornado Alley". Everywhere I went, if I wasn't previously instructed on where to go in case of severe weather, I always figured it out myself. Books and teachers taught us that an inner-most room in the lowest level of the building,  far away from any windows, is the safest place to be. There weren't specific directions in every single home or building, but I would usually figure it out on my own. Fortunately, I rarely ever needed to use those rooms as a storm shelter.

I am not pessimistic about our country. Skeptical? Perhaps. I certainly don't feel like President Obama will ruin the nation. I do not agree with many of his standings, but I don't feel he is the worst thing to happen to America. Certainly America has been through worse.
While there are many great and not-so-great things that all of our presidents do, one particular part of President Obama's health care plan has me feeling... cautious, aware, anxious. I feel the need to be prepared for any looming super cell that charges its way into my life.
I will not always have my father's insurance to cover me. I won't have that safety procedure map on the wall to help me out on my own with little effort on my part.
Ideally, I would marry a husband with a life-long career, a promising comfortable income, all benefits included, and not a worry in the world. All of my health needs would be worry-free. I would easily get my medication to keep the crohn's disease in a life-long remission, and have no a single financial worry over any medical emergencies.
Unfortunately, we have not reached eternal salvation yet, and we still have to survive in this world before we get there.
Now, I could still very well marry a man who has a job that provides benefits. But with the economy in such a fragile state that is not showing promising signs of improvement, employers are having to make cuts in order to keep employing citizens and families. Ironically, this can include cuts that directly affect families, particularly spouses, of employees.

I hope and pray my family never has to endure not having medical coverage.
However, much like a tornado, you can't stop it from coming.
It can miss you by miles, it could just barely miss you, or it could plow you right over.
I need to be prepared for this tornado threat.
I am taking my education plans towards a career that I am capable of handling, I have a deep interest in, has an extremely high job demand, and has health benefits.

I genuinely hope I never have to reach a frantic state and be unprepared for the storm. I hope I will be blessed with a husband whose job provides coverage for spouses. But it is impossible to tell where exactly the tornado will drop down, especially when the radar hasn't even picked it up yet.

I'm still young and under my father's insurance. I still have safety signs, ultimate basement protection, the latest storm updates, security.
I am so excited for Occupational Therapy school. This will be so good for me. I am relieved that I have a plan, but still quite anxious for the future.
I just have to remember to fear not, the Lord is on my side, and as long as I continue doing the things He would have me do, continue to have faith and rely on Christ, He will bless me with what I need. Because I am loved.

*I have absolutely no desire to be a school educator. Private instructor, yes. School teacher, no.