Sunday, May 20, 2012


There was a solar eclipse over the Pacific Ocean today that could be seen by the western portion of the USA. On campus, the science department had glasses for people to look through.

So I showed up around 6:00 and sat around doing homework for a while. More people came, and we got glasses.

It was about an hour long show before the clouds got in the way. But luckily, the largest coverage of the eclipse (it wasn't a full one from here) happened just before the clouds got in the way.

These are pictures from my phone with the dark lens over the camera. The first one is around 7:00, and the second one is around 7:20. There was less sun than is seen in the pictures when you looked through the glasses with your own eyes, but alas, phone cameras can only do so much.

This was definitely a great way to start the week. 

Oh, and Nick getting his phone working again and being able to talk to him definitely improved the day, too. :)

Saturday, May 19, 2012


How do you deal with roommates who don't know how to talk to your face? Who get annoyed by everybody? Who are super nice to you most of the time, but talk behind your back?
I love these girls, but they've made it clear that I annoy them.

That's my weak spot. My absolute weakest spot.
The thoughts that go through my head:
I annoy them. How am I annoying them? I have no idea. Maybe it's just me. Yeah, it's just me. Me being me annoys them. But I won't be fake. So how do I not annoy them? I should disappear. Because I'm annoying. I'm an annoying pest who should just be squashed, thrown away, and forgotten about. That way everybody can go on with their merry little lives. I'm meant to be forgotten. The world would be better off without me.

Those are honestly my thoughts. The moment the word "annoying" is brought in, Satan messes with me so easily. I don't know why the word hurts so much. But it does. I've been called loads of names from people out of anger and selfishness and pure misunderstanding, and I can easily shrug those off. But "annoying"... in my book, that is the most hurtful word. That's the worst thing you can say to me. Nothing will bring me down harder, faster, and deeper than that word. I really try not to let it, but it always comes as a shock to me, every time I hear it in reference to me, how suddenly and deeply wounded I feel in my heart.


Communication is the answer. I went over and talked with my roommates about the situation, and things are much less tense. We are all frustrated with the situation we are in (more on that next), and we all have reason to feel this way. We also all have things to work on, and I'm just as guilty as everyone else. I think things will be okay. These girls are not... manipulative and rude (for lack of a certain five-letter word...) like my last roommate.

Our next door neighbor's apartment caught fire yesterday. Someone put oil in a pan on the stove, put chicken in the pan and went back to her room. Her roommate, asleep on the couch, woke up a while later to the smell of smoke, looked into the kitchen and saw fire all the way up to the ceiling. The sprinklers went off. Nobody was harmed, but the building had to be evacuated for a while. They moved out, and so did the people beneath them and across from them. The sprinklers worked so well, they leaked through the floor into the ceiling of the people living beneath them. The sprinklers flooded the hallway outside the 4 apartment doors, and leaked into our apartment and the apartment across from them. They are not moving us out, but they are treating our floors and walls with four large fans and two giant dehumidifiers. Our AC had to be turned off so that we can get the kitchen as dry as possible to prevent mold and more water damage. Dehumidifiers let off so much heat. It is close to 90 degrees in our kitchen and living room. It is dryer than Death Valley. And it smells awful. Absolutely disgusting. I think I could get cancer just by being exposed to that room.

So those are my ramblings for tonight.

If it annoys you, just try to think differently. Please.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


I am taking 18 credits this semester, and I am so glad it will be the last time I do it. It is the third time I have taken 18 credits. After this semester, 1) I never have to again and 2) I will never choose to again. I can do it, and I do it because it is necessary.
I don't even really have "time" to be writing this blog post, but I need to get stuff out of my mind.

The last thing I really want right now is to be social. I am tired. I am busy. I have things to think about, and I don't really want to talk to anybody about it. I'm not majorly depressed or keeping secrets or anything, I just don't want to spend the time talking about what is on my mind. Not right now anyway. Maybe in a few weeks. I literally don't have time for small talk. Or deep conversations. Or anything in between. I feel like I should just wear a sign that reads "do not attempt to speak to me" for a while.
It's not that I don't love you. It's not that I hate people. It's not that I am anti-social. It's not that I feel superior or don't care about others.

I do not have time.

I have to go.

Saturday, May 5, 2012


There is no real purpose to this post, other than to try and slow my brain down a bit. I cannot sleep. I could write something really dramatic-sounding about how this is a battle that I face every night, but I'm not in a very melodramatic mood this...morning.
It is frustrating though, laying here, doing all I can think of to try and get me to sleep, and it is nearly 4 now and I just know it is not going to happen.
I don't like taking more of my prescription insomnia medication than I usually do, because even if I get 8-10 hours of sleep, I'm not a functioning human being the next day.

I guess this is a good time to sit and ponder, pray, and count my blessings.

Battles are blessings once you start to look at them the right way.