Tuesday, October 16, 2012


"Apparently, the only positions I am qualified for as a summa cum laude college graduate are those for retail, and only because I worked retail in high school. And full-time work so I can pay my bills and student loans? Forget about it! I'm not typically the queen of negativity, but after sending out 50+ applications/resumes, I'm getting a little hopeless." - a music major friend of mine.

Aaaaaaaand that is why I am going to OT school once I am done with my undergrad in the Musical Arts.
I have unofficially decided that when I leave Kohl's in a couple of months to go back to school, I will be done with retail. I am going to start looking for OT assistant positions, private music lessons... anything that isn't food service or retail. Heck, even if I'm just a receptionist at a clinic... it beats standing behind a register with angry customers trying to squeeze every last coupon out of you that they can.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


General Conference was perfect. Beautiful. Everything I needed.

View it here.

I wouldn't be able to do any of this without the Lord. He knows the pain I am in, and has already lived it. His love for me is beyond description. I could very well be a wreck right now. A week ago, even death felt like a happier thing than life at that present time (not in a suicidal way). But, just as I have been doing for the last two years, I am giving all my will to God. It has been deeply humbling and is nowhere near over. There is still much more for me to learn.
I am very grateful for God, Christ and His atonement, all that I have in this life. I have been blessed with some wonderful, beautiful friends here in Henderson. I am forever grateful for them.

I am strong. I am beautiful. I am smart. I can do anything I set my mind and heart to. I am a daughter of God; a princess. And I know it. I deserve nothing less than to be treated as such (with graciousness and humility on my end, as a true princess would, of course).
I will always learn, I will always grow, and I will never, ever, ever let anything stop me from becoming the person God intends me to be.

Through trials we grow stronger. I feel spiritually stronger now than I ever have in my life. I hope to continue to gain strength and be even closer to God, in both the highest and lowest of times, and everywhere in between.

I love you all, and thanks for reading.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012


I just love not sleeping. Feeling miserable. You know, it's just fantastic. Not being able to rest, being entirely alone with a shattered heart. Yeah, that's the best.
I just want to sleep. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I don't want to keep crying. I mean, it's five in the morning. I'm really at a loss right now.
It's time to start fresh. But I really wish my mind would just shut up and let me get some freaking rest before I start the next chapter of my life.
It is so tempting to put stupid depressing bitter emotional back-lashing things on the internet right now. So, so tempting. But I know ultimately that would not do anything but make me a jerk.

I really just want sleep. :(

Thursday, September 27, 2012


I sound like a lunatic, but I strongly believe that we are past the "beginning of the end" of the world. Things are going to get bad quickly. Everything has been simmering in a giant pot of world destruction, and it is starting to boil over. The frightening thing about it is this: We all knew it would have to happen eventually, but now that it is starting to happen, it's a crap-load of a lot scarier than we could have imagined.
I think the "simmering" phase is over, but the "boiling over" has just begun, and soon, there will be a lot of smoke and things will catch fire, and domino-effect catastrophes will happen everywhere. All the while, more and more ingredients will be added to this recipe-for-disaster concoction until it explodes.
Somewhere in there is the second coming of Christ. I think it will be after the explosion, but not too long after.

In the mean time, I really need to keep remembering to "be not afraid", and that those who are living righteously have no need to fear.
Just keep on pressing forward.

This is not church doctrine or even an evidence-based theory of any kind. It's just my prediction.

Friday, September 14, 2012


I was in a little car accident yesterday. It was not my fault, but the other driver spoke very little English and did not understand me. My dad came to the rescue and spoke in spanish with this guy. The guy was saying it was all my fault, even though it wasn't.
Anyway. It was a no-fault claim and the police officer was kind and helpful. Just a pain in the butt during the hottest time of the day.

And now some brief back-story: Back in July, I applied for a passport so that I can go to Canada with Nick and meet his family. About a month or so later, I got a letter from the passport agency saying my "identification was not sufficient" for them to approve my passport. I had to fill out a TON of information (that nobody should ever have to know), and give a minimum of 5 forms of documentation about myself that were 5 years or older. Five years ago I was 16.
On Tuesday we sent this in, and we (my dad and I) sent a letter in to the congressman, telling him I am having trouble getting my passport and am concerned I will never get it, things seem fishy.

Today, he called me. At this point, I have no clue when I will be receiving my passport, but there are two likely possibilities for why I am not getting my passport.
1) Identity theft. This is apparently the most common reason why people get sent the forms that I was sent. Somebody else could have a passport in my name with my information. I don't have credit cards or anything though, and I'm only 21. I don't put my information ANYWHERE online. How could that have even happened????
2) When I sent in the application, I was in Idaho. They photocopied my driver's license, which had an Iowa address, and my Idaho Student ID. However, my mailing address was my new home address in Nevada. Three different states for one person. The congressman said that it isn't usually an address problem though; it is more commonly a false ID problem.

Later he called me again and asked me to write a detailed letter explaining why I was in Idaho, why I had an Iowa driver's license, and why my family moved to Nevada. Also get some photocopies of yearbook photos, my current student ID, and send that in to him. He will then put it together and send that into the agency so that they know I am being represented through him.

It could be either one, and I am hoping and praying it is the second one. If it's the first one, it could take up to a year for me to get my passport.
Not to mention dealing with identity theft.

Oh my goodness. I just want to see Nick and go about my life with no more legal issues. 

Friday, September 7, 2012


I saw a few of these going around facebook and wanted to share them. They're perfect.

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.

This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.

Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.

Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.

On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.

Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.

Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.

Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.

Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.

Introverts cannot “fix themselves” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and contributions to the human race. In fact, one study (Silverman, 1986) showed that the percentage of Introverts increases with IQ.

Here's a link to a larger version of this image (click the picture on the website)

When I first learned about introversion and extroversion, it really surprised me how much I fit perfectly in with the standard definition of introversion. I remember as a kid (and still today) never really being bored on long car trips or waiting for appointments, or anything that involves doing nothing for a long time. I think all the time and get lost in thought.
I have also always been very independent, and have struggled when people are excessively needy of me. Not like a child or a pet, but a person my age who needs my attention - and for me, my attention is my all. I focus. I don't know how else to explain it without sounding conceited or haughty (see Myth #3, 4, and 8).

Have a great day!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


I sort of feel like a terrible person for thinking this, but I am so happy that I do not have to go back to BYU-I right now, and that I still have 4 months until I head back. The thought of going back makes me incredibly depressed, and I cannot figure out exactly why.
Maybe it is because I just spent 11 solid months being a full-time student, 7 of those months being a new student at a new campus by myself for the first time.
I know I had some very good times at Idaho, but I am having a hard time thinking of what they were.
I loved devotional, my religion classes, some of my music classes. I made a few very good friends.
I hated the hike to school. Having hardly any money for food. Not having a car so I could have that independence. Apartment drama. Oh I really hated all of the apartment drama. After a certain point, I never felt peace in either of the apartments. It was really sad. I felt bad for counting down the days until I left, because I knew so many people loved it there. I feel bad that I am not one of those people.
I don't hate BYU-I or Rexburg. I actually really love the school.
I just have a hard time being with some of the people. I do not know why it is so hard. I blame myself for so much of it, but there is only so much I can do. Cooperation and peaceful living cannot be accomplished by one person alone. It is a burden I got so tired of carrying.

I am so afraid of going back and having a roommate who will shout at me and throw all of my faults into my face again.
Is that what I did? Did I do that to my roommate? I don't think so... at least I didn't scream them at her, anyway.*  *I only confronted her about ..."behavior" that was against the honor code, as I was supposed to do as part of the integrity promise. I have to keep reminding myself that, even though she hates me for it, I did do the right thing.. I think.

I was made to recount my experience from my first semester in Idaho. I did not want to go into detail, but after much questioning, I told this fellow YSA in my ward the reasons as to why my first semester was a nightmare.
"If I was in her shoes, I would have hated you, too! I would have told you to get over it; sucks to be you!"

I nearly cried. But I was at a housewarming party, so I kept my emotions and thoughts to myself.
I don't even know this girls name, but it is girls like her and my former roommate who scare the living daylight out of me. They will trample me over - not because I don't have the backbone to stand up to them, but because it is not a fight I want to pick. I only argue when I know reason can be drawn for both myself and the other person. As I mentioned earlier, cooperation is not a one person deal - that's why it is cooperation. If it's going to be a "he-said/she-said/it's-your-fault" fight, then count me out.

I used to be such a terror as a kid. I would scream and say terrible things, kick and throw and yell, plot, threaten, hit, bite, scratch, and I even ran away from home a few times.
I feel like I am totally the opposite now. I don't like yelling. I thoroughly enjoy peace and quiet. I would rather sit and breathe than stomp and scream and slam doors. I appreciate rational thinking, and can sense irrationality before it even happens. (Although, I do love that I have the resources to actually escape.. but I don't think I would run away anymore.)

I think I just think too much. Maybe if I stop thinking so much I'll stop worrying.

Writing this all out really helped, though. Congratulations to you if you actually read the whole thing, and thanks for stopping by.

Saturday, September 1, 2012


It's my birthday! My 21st birthday. I am now one year into my 20's, and there are nine more to go. It is neat to think about what all might be happening in this decade of my life.
Unfortunately, I cannot see into the future, so I will just have to make it up as I go.
This next year of my life is going to be pretty exciting! I am going to graduate from college, and who knows what will happen after that. I have some plans, but only time will tell which plan will work out.

Many would find it to be perfect that my birthday is on a Saturday and a three-day weekend, it is my 21st birthday, and I live in Las Vegas. This may be ideal to some, but I am not going out partying at the casinos, getting wasted, and being an obnoxious birthday girl. Nope! I'm going cliff jumping, eating cake, and watching a movie with my family!
It's a perfect birthday for me!

Thursday, August 23, 2012


It's been about a year and a half since I created this blog, and it needed some remodeling. I was getting tired of the fonts, and though purple is my favorite color, I was tired of the background. The image never fit fully and was cut off.
I also changed the URL for security reasons. And it is simpler.
It is much simpler, and a little less typical-mormon-girl-blog.

When I post links to this blog on facebook, it is only to a group of people. I write some things on here that not all of facebook needs to read. Not because I pick and choose favorites or anything. It is mainly for security.

Have a great day!

Thursday, August 9, 2012


This is my 100th post!
(I thought an earlier one was, but I counted wrong!)

Being a cellist and classical pianist, it may or may not be a surprise to any readers that I love jazz.
 I do not have many (if any) opportunities to play, and I'm not very picky on the kind of jazz that I like, so I do not have any favorite bands. I do love Vince Guaraldi's piano work. Otherwise, I just really enjoy some good jazz when I have the chance to hear it.
There is a radio station here that plays all jazz. 24/7. 
That radio station is now what I have my alarm set to.
There is nothing quite like waking up to good jazz music in the morning. It won't put me back to sleep like Handel or Bach, and it won't irritate the snot out of me like Nicki Minaj or Justin Bieber. There are no corny love lyrics or songs about beer in the barn like those on the country stations (that just make me want to gag), and zero commercials where the DJ is shouting about your chance to "win big". Just smooth, tasteful, talented, smart expression.
I am so happy because of this!

Saturday, August 4, 2012


There are so many things that have me feeling like my brain is going to explode.

I will try to keep this post short.

Women posting pictures of shirtless muscular men with captions of "yes please", "yum", and "gimme more" is no different than a man posting pictures of a curvy, scantily dressed women with captions of "yes please", "yum", and "gimme more".

The arguing that is going on over the Chik-Fil-A deal is driving me absolutely nuts. It has exploded into this huge deal that did not need to become so exaggerated. 

I cannot wait for this election to be over.

I keep saying that all of these terrible things that keep happening are just signs that the Second Coming is closer than ever. More and more though, I am starting to agree with my Grandma. If it is just going to keep getting worse, I don't think I want to live through it.

And the "hipster" fad just needs to die.

I'm such a terrible, hateful person for posting this. o_o

Monday, July 30, 2012


A friend of mine, Nikki, updates her blog way more often than I do. She posted a questionnaire with an open tag for anybody to respond to, so I decided to take up the offer, since there is not much else exciting to post about right now.

I'm not going to post the rules/do the game, but I will answer the questions. If you like, you may answer them as well - in the comments, or on your own blog!

1. What gets you out of bed each day?
Usually responsibilities and/or anxiety to get things done.

2. If an alien landed on Earth, what would your top tip "for living here" be?
Have a plan.

3. What is your "happy song"?
Not a song, but a piece. "Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis" by Ralph Vaughn Williams.

4. Do you have a special place, real or imagined?
My bed is a very very very special place.

5. What childhood fable, fairy tale, or movie stretched your imagination and sticks with you today?
The movie Fantasia.

6. What is your idea of a perfect evening?
After a warm day spent with Nick filled with swimming, people watching, great food and each others company, a perfect evening would proceed as follows: walking on a quiet path/trail near the woods and/or ocean in the fall with all of the leaves changing. We would just talk, hold hands, have no worries. We would find a very old abandoned cabin or house and do some climbing and exploring, finding hidden rooms and passage ways. Then we would head back home, snuggle on the couch, maybe watch a movie or some funny youtube videos. Yeah, I think we would do youtube videos.
UGH I miss Nick.

7. As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
A meteorologist, astronomer, pediatrician, olympic swimmer, concert pianist, surgeon

8. What is your favorite type of movie?
Based on a true story war/history movies.

9. If you won the lottery, would you tell anyone?
Well, I would have to tell the bishop, seeing as the church frowns upon gambling.

10. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would it be?
I want to visit literally the whole world. If it were physically possible, I would love to explore the deepest bottoms of the ocean, where things are undiscovered.

11. Do you believe in destiny?


  [des-tuh-nee]  Show IPA
noun, plural des·ti·nies.
something that is to happen or has happened to a particularperson or thing; lot or fortune.
the predetermined, usually inevitable or irresistible, course ofevents.
the power or agency that determines the course of events.

I do not believe in #1 or #2. I do believe we have the agency to determine our own course of events, but we cannot predict anything.
So no.

Monday, July 23, 2012


Well, I'm home now. For the first time. It is really quite overwhelming. I have not even been here for 24 hours and I'm overwhelmed. Everything is so different. The only thing that is the same is the color of the sky and the fact that my family is here. I think maybe when I unpack everything I brought home from college, things might get better. Having access to my clothes, my pictures, all that is familiar to me, that might help.
But today it actually rained and is in the mid 90's with the sun out, so I may go outside before it becomes blistering hot again.

Oh, and here is the view from my room:

Not bad!

Sunday, July 15, 2012


....I don't have to write another paper again until 2013.

I certainly could, but I don't have to.
I do enjoy writing. But like drawing and painting and some math, I do not enjoy it when it is required of me.

I can be a music major because I love having music demanded from me. I can supply the demand. It is high quality supply. And I care about it.

It is not that I do not care about writing and art and math, but I certainly do not care about them as much as I do music.
Hence why I am not in any other major. I could do very well in a variety of other majors. I have the skills and intelligence. However, I simply could not be happier anywhere else.

One a side note, these are the pieces I am playing for my cello juries this semester:
Bach Cello Suite No. 2: Prelude, Minuet 1 &2 
Cello Concerto in D Minor by Eduard Lalo

Thursday, July 12, 2012


One in the morning is not a good time to be looking at masters programs and figuring out what you need to change during your last two semesters in order to have all of the prerequisites.

It also is not a very good time to write a blog post. But putting my thoughts into words takes some of the stress off of my mind. So maybe I will sleep well tonight, unlike every other night this week.

I have a few things to figure out.
1. I could change my course plan for the next two semesters. This would involve dropping the psychology cluster I am currently planning on graduating with. I would replace some of the psychology classes with a statistics class (3 credits) and two anatomy & physiology classes (8 credits). But then I would be overloaded with credits and would not have room for the psychology classes that I also need for prerequisites. So I do not think that is an option.

2. I could take one or two of the above mentioned classes at a local college when I get home for the fall semester. But I don't know if it is too late for that. Time for a phone call with father.

3. I could graduate without changing anything, and enroll in the classes at some college somewhere immediately after I graduate. That sounds the most reasonable. But I don't know where I will be going be when I graduate. I honestly have absolutely no idea. I need to figure that out soon so that I can look into schools. Home is always an option, but I don't know if that will necessarily be the best option.

4. I could just forget about getting a masters in OT all together and just live with a BMA, teaching kids the cello and piano in my living room for a starting wage of $15 a lesson while working retail the rest of the time to bring home a barely sustainable income. (yeah, not going to happen.) Not as huge of a problem if I were to be married by then, but that isn't what I really want anyway. (I do plan on teaching lessons, but I don't think I want that, or retail, to be my full time occupation for the rest of my life..)

The third option sounds the most appealing to me, because that will give me more time to work out applications without having the rest of the undergrad to worry about at the same time. I can work 35 hours a week and take the necessary prerequisite courses, no matter where I am.
It's just the whole figuring out where I will be in a year and what schools are available that offer those courses for people looking to just fulfill the prereqs that is a bit daunting.

Time to get busy praying about all of this.
Time for bed.

Monday, July 9, 2012


The semester is winding down very quickly, but not fast enough!

Everything big for this semester is done. Except for juries. But that is the only big thing left! And I'm not even worried about those. Seriously, aside from the final exams (which will NOT be that hard... they never are), and class attendance for the next 7 class days, I am done. All of my heavy reports are in. My homework is complete (save one paper, but it's a reflection paper - easy!). Reading assignments are finished.

I just have to sit around here for ten more days.

I really want to go home.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012


It has been an excellent day. :)

Independence Day is usually my favorite holiday.

I went swimming in the Teton River in St. Anthony with some friends.
There was a diving board, a water slide, a little river bed beach, many rocks to climb on and sunbathe on, and beautiful weather.

We went to lunch at a new Greek restaurant in town. I had eaten Greek food (well, American-ized Greek food) a couple of times and I love it. I am not much of a fan for many foreign foods, but the Greek food is SO good.
But mine had barbecue sauce on it, and an order of fries and root beer. Independence Day for the USA, after all. :)

I got home and got to have a fun, lovely chat with Nick. :)

Did a bit of homework, the works, and treated myself with a bowl of Breyer's Homemade Vanilla ice cream and chocolate chip cookies that I made with my Grandma this past weekend.

Following this, I watched the sun set over the mountains from my apartment.

To finish off the night, I had a bit of a marathon with The Office.

It was definitely a great Independence Day today. :)

Monday, July 2, 2012


Back in March, I was feeling very impatient with life. I decided to write out a list of questions for myself to answer in five years. I have it saved on my computer, but I figured I should probably put it someplace where it is less likely to be lost.
If you would like to make one for yourself, feel free to copy from mine. You will need to change some of the questions, of course, but I don't mind at all.

Questions to Answer in Five Years
Written March 2012, to be answered anytime after March 2017.
1. Where do I live?
2. What is my relationship status?
                Depending on that answer:
a.       Who have I been in (a) relationship(s) with?
b.      If currently in a relationship, who is it with?
c.       If currently in a relationship, do you think it will progress?
d.      If currently in engaged, when/where is the wedding going to be?
e.      If married, when/where was the wedding?
f.        If married, do I have any kids yet?
g.       If single, what I am I doing to continue being the best I can be and be happy?
h.      No matter the relationship status, have I been through the temple yet?
i.         If married, where was the honeymoon?
3. Do I have a job?
                Depending on answer, go into detail.
4. How much education have I completed?
5. What was my focus on in my schooling?
6. Did I serve a mission?
7. Am I an aunt yet?
8. Are any of my other siblings married?
9. Has anyone in the family (immediate and extended) passed away?
10. What pets do I have/have I had?
11. Is Hoover still around?
12. Where do mom and dad live?
13. Where do my siblings live?
14. What callings have I had/do I have in the church (while writing this I am ward pianist for YSA 50th ward 3rd stake BYU-I)?
15. Who is my best friend?
16. Do I have a car? If yes, what kind?
17. Can I speak anything other than English and a bare minimum of Spanish?
18. Have I been outside of USA yet?
19. What has been the hardest thing I have done/gone through in the last five years?
20. How are the non-members of my family doing?
21. What is my favorite color?
22. What has been the happiest/best thing I have done/gone through in the last five years?
23. Did I have anymore crazy roommates?
24. What have been some major musical accomplishments I have achieved in the last five years?
25. Have I been to any new states in the last five years? (Alaska, Washington, Oregon, Montana, North Dakota, Arkansas, West Virginia, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Delaware, New Hampshire, Vermont, Tennessee)
26. Any new signs of the Second Coming?
27. Who is the current prophet and who are his apostles?
28. What callings do my family members have?
29. Has cousin Spencer married yet?
30. How about Andy or Daina?
31. Ben and Dani have any kids?
32. Shelley and Trev have any more?
33. Any other cousins/family married/have kids?
34. What is my current biggest struggle/weakness?
35. What am I better at now that I wasn't so good at five years ago?
36. Four and a half years away from being thirty. How do I feel about this? At 20 1/2, I feel okay with it. I hope to not be dreading it in five years.
37. How is my health?
38. How is communication with family? Better not be any stupid drama!
39. What hobbies do I have?
40. Any near-death experiences?
41. Have any major disasters in the last five years had an impact on my life? (weather, earthquake, terror attacks, drought, car accidents, etc)
42. What is the latest fashion trend (Hipster is 2012) and do I despise it as much as I did the hipster trend?
43. Who is president of the United States?
44. How is facebook doing? Have I dropped it or is it still going strong?
45. Are people still crazy for people like Lady Ga Ga, Katie Perry, Micheal Buble, Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift, etc? Who is the newest/hottest celebrity that I still just don't care about?
46. What is my hair like?
47. Has my vision gotten worse?
48. Have I still not broken any bones?
49. Still not had any surgeries (not including wisdom teeth)?
50. How is the insomnia?
51. How much debt am I in and how am I working to pay it off?
52. If any grandparents are still alive, how are they doing?
53. What ever happened with Nathan and Ryan?
54. How is Nick?
55. Am I still in contact with anyone from Clarke?
56. Am I still in contact with anyone from BYU-I?
57. What are my current short-term and long-term goals?
58. Has Disney Channel gotten any worse (I can't imagine how, but I believe it can)?
59. What political party do I associate with?
60. How is Nikki Johnson/Riddle doing?

Friday, June 29, 2012


Satan certainly got what he wanted in America today...

He didn't care which way the health care bill was voted. He just cared about how people reacted to it.

All over the place, I see people who are furious about this. And I see people who are ridiculing those who are upset. Plenty of contention, disrespect, name calling (which really should have been left behind in pre-school), and intellectuals popping up left and right, speaking with quite the arrogant tongue.

It's a party in Satan's world right now. Of course, it has been for a very long time.

It is exhausting to watch.
Yes, I do understand how important these things are. It is good to understand what is happening, see different points of view, and even more importantly, it is okay to disagree. It is equally important for our heart's sake to remember to be kind. Scratch that, I think being kind is the most important.

It is unrealistic for the whole world to be kind. But is it so unrealistic for one person to be kind?

"Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." 
-Ephesians 4:31-32

Monday, June 18, 2012


Here are a few things about myself that might very well offend the vast majority of the young adult population.

I don't think The Big Bang Theory TV show is funny. I find everything about it to be unoriginal, cheaply made, and pretty brain-numbingly stupid. I would honestly rather never watch another thing on television again for the rest of my life than watch that show. Bazinga!

See how stupid that sounds? I can't believe I just used that word....

"Call Me Maybe" is a crappy song. Granted, I am a biased music snob, but I'm pretty tolerant to most music my friends listen to that I wouldn't pick for myself. I can't stand this song though. I cannot wait for it to die and be forgotten.

I will never get Toms or one of those vintage-looking bikes. I don't find them to be practical, they cost way too much, and they will go out of style soon enough, so why bother.

And I don't like superhero movies. With the exception of The Incredibles by Pixar. Pixar has yet to displease me (though I have not seen Cars 2...). But that is more in the "Pixar" category and not the "superhero" category. I am so bored by superhero movies.

That is the end of my rant.

*Disclaimer: I do not have any negative feelings towards those who enjoy the things I mentioned above. It's just my expression of personal opinion.

Sunday, June 17, 2012


I have been thinking a lot lately about how we are supposed to be, as people on this Earth, and how we are supposed to behave, think, interact, and live.

I recall an analogy made by President Heber C. Kimball about the Potter and the Clay.

          "Comparing us to clay that is in the hands of the potter, if that clay is passive, I have power as a potter to mold it and make it into a vessel unto honor. Who is to mold these vessels? Is it God Himself in person, or is it His servants, His potters, or journeymen, in company with those He has placed to oversee the work? The Great Master Potter dictates His servants, and it is for them to carry out His purposes, and make vessels according to His designs; and when they have done the work, they deliver it up to the Master for His acceptance; and if their works are not good, He does not accept them; the only works He accepts, are those that are prepared according to the design He gave. God will not be trifled with; neither will His servants; their words have got to be fulfilled, and they are the men that are to mold you, and tell you what shape to move in. …"

Our whole lives we are supposed to be like clay. We are supposed to be flexible, easily shaped and molded,  and easy to work with. We also are supposed to allow more than one potter to work with us. Christ is the over-all "potter" and is in charge, and ultimately he is the one who decides if we have been shaped well. But there are many potters who come into our life and shape us. It is how we allow ourselves to be molded with these potters that matters.

Some potters make it easy for us to adjust, and others make it very challenging. However, it is still important for us to become the best we can, no matter how challenging the person is.

We must also not go into the stove too soon. Going into the stove creates permanence in our character that is much harder to shape. Once someone has gone through the stove, you can still shape them, but it has to be with a chisel and it is very difficult for both the potter and the clay. Most of the time, when someone goes through the stove prematurely, the end up breaking.

With clay, this is a permanent break. It cannot be fixed
But for people, it does not have to be. It is fixable through the atonement. We can be made into soft, workable clay again. It takes a lot of work and patience with oneself, but it can be done.

The clay represents us.
The potter represents everybody we come into contact with in life.
Being malleable and easy to work with means we are humble, meek, willing to admit we are wrong, and willing to change.
Going through the "stove" symbolizes stubbornness. Always being right. Always being in the right (because that's what we always think/believe we are). The only people who go through the stove are those who either are ready, or think they are ready, to be considered for perfection through the atonement.

None of us should reach that until we die.
And those who are ready to go through.. they do not become stubborn like those who go in too soon. Rather, they become perfectly faithful and obedient.
But until that time when we are ready to enter the stove (death), do not make yourself unchangeable. I'm not talking about suicide (premature death). I am talking about the way we behave, think, interact, and live. Do not think too highly of yourself. Relax, don't be stubborn. Remember there is only One who is always right, and it is not you. Or me. Or anybody else we will meet in this life.

We all have things we need to improve on. I just find that when I think about this, it helps me remember what my purpose is on this earth. It also helps me remember that the world doesn't revolve around me, and I need to revise and improve.

Sunday, May 20, 2012


There was a solar eclipse over the Pacific Ocean today that could be seen by the western portion of the USA. On campus, the science department had glasses for people to look through.

So I showed up around 6:00 and sat around doing homework for a while. More people came, and we got glasses.

It was about an hour long show before the clouds got in the way. But luckily, the largest coverage of the eclipse (it wasn't a full one from here) happened just before the clouds got in the way.

These are pictures from my phone with the dark lens over the camera. The first one is around 7:00, and the second one is around 7:20. There was less sun than is seen in the pictures when you looked through the glasses with your own eyes, but alas, phone cameras can only do so much.

This was definitely a great way to start the week. 

Oh, and Nick getting his phone working again and being able to talk to him definitely improved the day, too. :)

Saturday, May 19, 2012


How do you deal with roommates who don't know how to talk to your face? Who get annoyed by everybody? Who are super nice to you most of the time, but talk behind your back?
I love these girls, but they've made it clear that I annoy them.

That's my weak spot. My absolute weakest spot.
The thoughts that go through my head:
I annoy them. How am I annoying them? I have no idea. Maybe it's just me. Yeah, it's just me. Me being me annoys them. But I won't be fake. So how do I not annoy them? I should disappear. Because I'm annoying. I'm an annoying pest who should just be squashed, thrown away, and forgotten about. That way everybody can go on with their merry little lives. I'm meant to be forgotten. The world would be better off without me.

Those are honestly my thoughts. The moment the word "annoying" is brought in, Satan messes with me so easily. I don't know why the word hurts so much. But it does. I've been called loads of names from people out of anger and selfishness and pure misunderstanding, and I can easily shrug those off. But "annoying"... in my book, that is the most hurtful word. That's the worst thing you can say to me. Nothing will bring me down harder, faster, and deeper than that word. I really try not to let it, but it always comes as a shock to me, every time I hear it in reference to me, how suddenly and deeply wounded I feel in my heart.


Communication is the answer. I went over and talked with my roommates about the situation, and things are much less tense. We are all frustrated with the situation we are in (more on that next), and we all have reason to feel this way. We also all have things to work on, and I'm just as guilty as everyone else. I think things will be okay. These girls are not... manipulative and rude (for lack of a certain five-letter word...) like my last roommate.

Our next door neighbor's apartment caught fire yesterday. Someone put oil in a pan on the stove, put chicken in the pan and went back to her room. Her roommate, asleep on the couch, woke up a while later to the smell of smoke, looked into the kitchen and saw fire all the way up to the ceiling. The sprinklers went off. Nobody was harmed, but the building had to be evacuated for a while. They moved out, and so did the people beneath them and across from them. The sprinklers worked so well, they leaked through the floor into the ceiling of the people living beneath them. The sprinklers flooded the hallway outside the 4 apartment doors, and leaked into our apartment and the apartment across from them. They are not moving us out, but they are treating our floors and walls with four large fans and two giant dehumidifiers. Our AC had to be turned off so that we can get the kitchen as dry as possible to prevent mold and more water damage. Dehumidifiers let off so much heat. It is close to 90 degrees in our kitchen and living room. It is dryer than Death Valley. And it smells awful. Absolutely disgusting. I think I could get cancer just by being exposed to that room.

So those are my ramblings for tonight.

If it annoys you, just try to think differently. Please.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012


I am taking 18 credits this semester, and I am so glad it will be the last time I do it. It is the third time I have taken 18 credits. After this semester, 1) I never have to again and 2) I will never choose to again. I can do it, and I do it because it is necessary.
I don't even really have "time" to be writing this blog post, but I need to get stuff out of my mind.

The last thing I really want right now is to be social. I am tired. I am busy. I have things to think about, and I don't really want to talk to anybody about it. I'm not majorly depressed or keeping secrets or anything, I just don't want to spend the time talking about what is on my mind. Not right now anyway. Maybe in a few weeks. I literally don't have time for small talk. Or deep conversations. Or anything in between. I feel like I should just wear a sign that reads "do not attempt to speak to me" for a while.
It's not that I don't love you. It's not that I hate people. It's not that I am anti-social. It's not that I feel superior or don't care about others.

I do not have time.

I have to go.

Saturday, May 5, 2012


There is no real purpose to this post, other than to try and slow my brain down a bit. I cannot sleep. I could write something really dramatic-sounding about how this is a battle that I face every night, but I'm not in a very melodramatic mood this...morning.
It is frustrating though, laying here, doing all I can think of to try and get me to sleep, and it is nearly 4 now and I just know it is not going to happen.
I don't like taking more of my prescription insomnia medication than I usually do, because even if I get 8-10 hours of sleep, I'm not a functioning human being the next day.

I guess this is a good time to sit and ponder, pray, and count my blessings.

Battles are blessings once you start to look at them the right way.

Sunday, April 29, 2012


I can't wait to get out of Rexburg....
I can't wait to graduate... and be out of Rexburg...

I had to figure out some coping strategies last semester, and I think I need to find some new ones for this semester. This semester is not nearly as bad as last semester. Actually, it doesn't even come close. This semester is actually pretty fantastic. But there are still things that are new to me that just suck, and I need to learn how to keep life as "normal" and happy as I can without the stupid parts tearing me down.

I can't wait to move out of this town and not be surrounded by so many young people. We're all so stupid!!!!! But we all think we're super original and creative and brilliant and epic and that we are so smart. We are in university. We have 537,000 hours of homework every week. That's impressive, in case you didn't know. So you should be impressed and feel inferior to me, because I'm the only one going through it, and I'm awesome. It's all about me. Me me me me me. I'm wonderful! Love me. We have to do this. And we have to do that. Look at me, I don't live at home and look at me, I look super cute and look at me, I know big words and look at me, I think I know what I'm talking about and anyone who disagrees is just "retarded". 

I hate that word.

"Oh, but it's just a joke."
Everything that was just said is just a joke. Ha ha ha! So funny!!!! *bat my eyelashes and giggle girlishly*

I am annoyed to the point of being speechless.
Despite my sarcasm above, I do not think of myself as "higher" or "superior" or better in any way than anybody.
But I'm also not going to go around preaching my utmost humility to the world. Or the internet. (same thing)
I am just not... I don't know what I'm not. Not a social butterfly? I've never been one. I hate attention. I get annoyed by attention seekers*. I need to work on that.

When it comes to me and just me, I love what I love, and I don't care if anybody knows.

I'm not always happy. I do have depression, and I can't always just choose to be happy. Deciding to be loving and charitable doesn't make me all better. Being a member of this church and having the gospel in my life, living it to the fullest, and being the best I can be doesn't make the depression go away. I have an imperfect earthly body, and I learn to live with it.

Sometimes, I just want to be me, by myself (well, Nick and family are always welcome), in my own bubble, far away from people [my own age].

This will be over before I know it. And I will be glad I've been here. Heck, I'm not even going to be depressed all the time (I might sound like I'm just a mopey, grumpy, super depressed stupid jerk sometimes..). Some days I'm downright gleeful. But most of the time I'm looking at the big picture, and as happy as I am here sometimes, I'll be even happier when it is done.

*we all do things for attention. I wear my hair in a faux hawk sometimes because it looks great. I wear lots of colors because they look great on me. I like the attention of looking great. Most people do. I love to perform on the cello (actually, the performance is mostly for me, but I love pleasing an audience.. but I still get attention and like that, too). But when everything you say is about you and you're trying to sound impressive, or when you can only respond to somebody's own simple comment about something in their life with something in your life that is supposed to make you seem more impressive... I kind of want to hit my head on the wall. Repeatedly. And then run away. Because there is a difference between "getting" and "earning", which is a misunderstanding many people have in the world today in more ways than just attention seeking.

Saturday, April 14, 2012


It is late and I should really be getting to bed, but I am so happy. It has been a wonderful week home, and I am so very glad to have come. It has been such a blessing to be back with my family, and back with Nick. I'm going to miss all of them terribly when I leave. Especially Nick. Time and distance have only brought us closer, and I have loved every minute I have had to spend with him this week. I'm trying not to think about how long it will be until I see him yet again. I've never been happier.
But when I pray, I always know that all will be well. I don't know exactly what will happen, but I'm going on pure faith that everything will work out just fine. I know this in my heart. :)

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


I am well aware of the world around me, and am very much a realist, but sometimes I just wish the world was nicer.

Why can't we all just be happy? I know some people are in rotten situations, and that's a bit of a stretch to simply request that. I know, I know, I know. There are billions of exceptions.
But I wish there was less anger. Less contention, more compassion. More understanding, consideration, less pride.
Less judging, jealousy, obsessing, idolizing, rudeness.

I can very well be happy with myself and who I am and the choices I make, but words and actions of hurt and everything else mentioned above sting my sensitive soul.

God has a Plan of Happiness. I know I am working hard to follow His plan and do all I can to be the happiest and best I can be.
Some days, like today, in moments of weakness, the stumbling blocks, no matter how small, seem to get me down.

So go out there, and just be the best you can be. Don't be another person's stumbling block.

Friday, April 6, 2012


I will be landing in Iowa in just a little over 12 hours. I will be sitting in the airplane in 7 hours and will be in the air in just a little over 7 hours.
I am so excited. I do not know how I will be able to sleep tonight.
It's been an awful...ly long semester and I'm more than ready to be home.
I'm so excited to see everybody. My parents, whom I haven't seen since January 1. My siblings, who I haven't seen since the evening of December 28. My dogs. And Nick, who I haven't seen since December 15.

I am SO excited.
I need to sleep!
But I'm so excited!

My alarm goes off in 4 hours.

I'm doing a really good job of physically containing my excitement.


Monday, March 26, 2012


"Some people have mental retardation (intellectual disabilities). While mental retardation is not a bad word, when used to describe someone or something you think is bad or stupid it becomes another thoughtless hurtful word. People with intellectual and developmental disabilities are not bad. Their condition is not bad. The prejudice and discrimination to people with intellectual and developmental disabilities is bad... and wrong! Please stop using the word 'retard'. It hurts individuals and families of those with disabilities." - The "r" Word Campaign

This word is way over-used. I am so tired of hearing it. I find it highly offensive. I do not have a mental handicap, nor does anyone in my immediate family. However, I know a number of people who do have mental retardation. I could write pages and pages on how each of these people I know are wonderful people. I remember as a young kid, I had many friends of different races and different abilities. I had no idea that they were any different from me. I look back now and can think of a number of friends of mine who probably to this day struggle with some kind of social problem or mental disability. One had crossed eyes and her speech was somewhat off. Another did not do well in school work, was such a silly wild girl and was made fun of sometimes for that, and had some physical problems. But when we were kids, we were friends, and that was all that mattered. I did not notice their flaws until I was older and became more aware.
But these people had such a special a place in my heart as my friends, that by the time I became aware, it didn't matter.

When I was in high school, I had the opportunity to work with the severely handicapped youth in the school. Most of these kids were wheel-chair bound, and if they were not, they often needed someone to hold their arm and help guide them across the classroom/hallway. My gym class period was at the same time as their gym class was. My coach asked for volunteers who would like to spend Tuesdays and Thursdays of each week doing exercises with these kids.
I worked with a girl named Emily. To this day I don't know what she had, what she had been through, or anything. I knew she was fed with a feeding tube in her stomach, was not verbal, had surgery on her legs about a year before, and was working on being able to stand up and walk again. So when she was not in a chair, she was in something similar to a hand trolley. We would strap her into it, and she would get to stand in it, with some weight going into her legs to help build up strength. We would take her out of the stand and she would face one of us (a fellow teacher or myself), grabbing our arms, and would concentrate on moving her legs. It was difficult and painful, we could tell. But the encouragement we gave her, and the smile on her face when she made five shuffled steps was so exciting to all of us.
When we weren't doing walking exercises, I would wheel her around in her standing trolley, running around, spinning in circles, playing stop and go games. She would laugh and scream the whole time, waving her arms in pure glee. And when we were done, to show me she liked me, she would grab my glasses as quick as she could and throw them across the room, then hit me on top of the head, point and laugh, and then just stand there and smile.
If she didn't like you, she wouldn't look at you, acknowledge you, or anything.
She hit me a lot, and I was really glad I had sturdy glasses.

I remember on the last day that we got to meet, I told her this would be my last day working with her. She kept insisting we do the running game. After a while, she had me stop and come face her. She put her hands on my hands, and moved them up my arm, like she would sometimes do. She likes to touch. She kept moving her hands up my arms, and then pulled me to her until her arms were completely around me. I wrapped my arms around her and she smiled.
Just a hug. So simple, but probably the sweetest one I have ever received in my life.

When I hear people get frustrated about something a person said, or something they have to do, and refer to such negative things as "retarded", it hurts me. It really does. I know it's completely thoughtless, what they're saying, and their intentions are not to hurt. But thinking about what you are saying is so important.

I am out of words. Please just think.


There is a lot of negativity in the world today. We all have our down days, we all lose our grip sometimes. But the real problem comes when we don't actively seek out ways to minimize the negativity.
A few posts ago I wrote a little free-lance poetry on "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
I feel like living that way is a start. But do we all want to just sit around at the starting point for the rest of our lives? I know I don't. I want to get somewhere. I want to make some accomplishments.
So it's time to get going.
Today, while walking across campus, I started doing something I did for a year in high school. As I looked at people, instead of letting whatever is currently stressing me out feed me negative thoughts, I would look at them, think "they are a child of God, too", and then find something nice about the way they look, or something they're doing.
Living in an environment with so many girls, it is so easy to become so judgmental of others, and yourself. I have caught myself doing this, and am determined to stop it.

It's a small step forward, and I know different challenges will arise from attempting this (thinking something nice about a person who is not dressed appropriately for being on campus....), but I figure a step forward is a step forward, no matter how small of a step you end up taking.

So what say you? Want to take a challenge with me? Try to find something good about every person you meet, bump into, pass by, etc. Let a good thought be your first thought.

But don't be fake. Be honest with yourself. Please, please, please don't be fake.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


Today looked interesting. It looked potentially appealing, perhaps risky, and there was no telling how it would turn out. So I took a slow, deep, heavy bite.
Surprise!! It was sour.
The taste was shocking at first, but I am familiar with this taste, so I scrunched up, and just let myself endure it. I kept working my way through, just hoping every second that it would get better.
I took my first swallow, hoping to relieve some of the discomfort. It helped, but there was still some strong sour taste remaining. 

I kept taking some hard swallows, until all that was left was a bitter aftertaste.
Came home, washed the taste out of my mouth in the form of a hot bubble bath, a lotion rub-down, music, and scripture reading.

Despite how sour it was, it wasn't the worst thing I have ever tasted. And it wasn't quite sour enough to make my eyes water, so I consider that to be a bonus for today. I could take another bite if I needed to. Though if I take too many in a row, that may cause some watery eyes and too much of a bitter taste for me to handle.
I have a whole plate of life sitting in front of me. Chances are, I will be taking plenty more bites from the sour stuff. It's the getting used to it, and maybe even learning to look forward to eating it, that is the tricky part.

I love analogies.

Sunday, March 18, 2012


In twenty days, I will be home. Twenty days from right this very moment, I will be home. I cannot really express just how excited I am to go home. To see my family, my dogs, Nick. To see Dubuque. It is going to be warm. There will be green leaves, grass, and a multitude of flowers blossoming. It will be lovely, even if it's foggy and rainy the whole time I'm there. I don't care, I will be home.

I'm so excited to see my parents and each of my siblings. Molly and Kevin, Sally, Grace, Oliver. I miss them so much.
I'm excited to hug my dogs again. Hoover the lab and Tango the brat.
And I am so, so, so excited to see Nick. Be with the man who has been such a wonderful, loving friend. I can't wait to see him and spend time with him.

These next three weeks are going to be so busy and full. I'm more than ready to take them on, because the more work I do each day, the quicker the hours pass by, which means the sooner the next day will be here, which means another day down, which means I'm that much closer to going back to Iowa. Even if only for 10 days. That is still 10 days of being with the people I love. :)

Monday, March 12, 2012


If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

If you can't think of something nice to say, you aren't thinking the way the Lord would have you think.

If you aren't thinking the way the Lord would have you think, you can't possibly know everything about everything.

If you can't know everything about everything, you must be human.

If you are human, you must have weaknesses.

If you have weaknesses, others must have them, too.

If others have weaknesses, you should try to understand.

If you try to understand, you must try to be kind.

If you try to be kind, you could say something nice.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

- by Laura Priest, © 2012

Saturday, March 3, 2012


To any followers in the Utah area...

I am going to be playing in the Tabernacle on March 10th. The BYU-I Symphony Orchestra and BYU-I Collegiate Choir will be performing a brand new oratorio written by K. Newell Dayley titled "Bring Forth My Zion". It is going to be spectacular! Tickets are free, but you need one to get in. You can get a ticket by following the link above the photo.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Some days are just harder than others. The last few days have been exceptionally difficult. Today was not as bad. I think I had a better night's sleep last night. It has been a huge fight every day to be happy and pretty much be anything but depressed, hurt, and homesick. Very homesick. Oh I'm so homesick. I'm so homesick that I'm failing to appreciate the place I am at. I'm at a marvelous university, and I am supposed to be here. I should be having the time of my life. But I just want to go home and not come back ever.
I want to be back with people I know and with people who love me unconditionally. I'm sick of the gossip, the drama, having to be around people who I don't fit in with. I enjoy being quiet and peaceful and feeling like I can be myself, work on improving myself, and be with people who support that and aren't degrading my self esteem. I don't think people even realize some of the things they say and do. Or maybe I'm just misinterpreting it all and maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I am my own personal bad guy.
And I am way too hard on myself. But I can't change other people, so I have to change myself. And I feel like I kind of fail in that category. I work so hard, but am always falling down. And I know Satan wants me to feel this way, but man! It's such a mental game. 
I am tired. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, I am so worn out. It has been a very rough semester, and I can't wait for it to be over. Five more weeks. Just five more weeks. And next week it will be four. Then three, two, and one, and then I will take my finals, have a super stressful moving week, and go home.
It is so close, but it feels so far away at the same time.
Because I'm still here. And "here" is not feeling like home to me.

I wish I had one of my sisters here. Or a parent. Or Oliver. Or Nick. My cousin is here, and relatives are a four hour drive away, but I miss my family and Nick so much. Just to hang out with them for an hour or so once or twice a week would be fantastic.

I know, I know. It will get better. This is normal. It's part of growing up, becoming an adult.
But it really sucks when you don't have a loved one that you trust (like my family and Nick) to share the experience with.
I just feel very lonely. I have very kind roommates and neighbors, an extraordinarily fantastic relief society president, and other various people who are here to support me. But it's not the same. I don't know. 

I don't want to be told I will get used to this. I don't want a hug, I don't want a cookie. I just want to be with my family.

I know what some will say. I need to lean on Christ for help. And others, like my roommates and Kara and Spencer. And trust me, I am working my butt off trying to keep Christ a focus every minute of every day of my life. And I know His answer for me right now is... I just get to keep struggling for a little while. It will be worth it in the end. And in reality, this struggle is so simple compared to what He went through.

It doesn't make it easier necessarily, and it doesn't cure the homesickness. Definitely doesn't cure that. But it's the only thing keeping me from breaking down at this point.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012


I officially sold my contract for my apartment at Birch Plaza next semester. I am so happy to be rid of it.
Next semester I will be moving into The Ivy apartments. I am SO excited. I am going to be so spoiled. But I think it will be suiting for my last three semesters. They are going to be very challenging semesters, and I think I'll be deserving an extra nice place to live. And it only costs less than $200 more! It's worth a heck of a lot more than that. I am excited.

But for now I will keep pushing through this semester.

This semester.

Oh boy, this one is crazy.
It is not fun. Some days I am miserable. But the way I see it, things likely won't get worse once this semester is done. There's a possibility, but it is not very likely. Especially since I plan on moving in with people I know from now on. That doesn't necessarily mean drama won't occur, but the chances of it getting this bad are pretty unlikely I would think.

I got some new stickers for my cello case. I designed them online. Here are some photos!

This "caution" one is my favorite.

I also have my plane tickets back home for spring break.
I am so so so so so so excited. :)

This past weekend I had a wonderful time with family in Utah. My cousin Spencer and I are getting to be closer friends, and I love having him around. I absolutely love my family. It was a fabulous weekend. We didn't do a whole lot, but the little things make it memorable none the less. Like watching the "Mr. Springville" competition. Watching countless funny youtube videos with Aunt Linda and Spencer. And like Monday morning. Spencer woke me up by jumping on my bed, shouting "Wake up!! It's past ten thirtyyyy! Time to geeeettt upppp!!!"
Made me laugh. Oh I love my family.
I'm so lucky to have my family. So blessed. And I have learned to not take them for granted.

Never take anyone for granted. That is something I have learned this semester. Your friends and family are the most important people you have here on Earth. I cannot wait to spend eternity with these people. :)

Friday, February 10, 2012


Life in Rexburg is fantastic. My classes are going so well. I hit a plateau in both piano and cello for a while, and I think I finally beat it! I just feel great about where my life is headed.

However, all is not so well at the apartment home. I am being avoided by my roommate. Being given the silent treatment. I have never gotten that before, and it is really kind of interesting. I wonder when it will end, but I am also not worried about it. I just try to be as kind and loving as I can. The rest is up to her.

Certainly makes sharing a room interesting, though.
At first I was really bothered by it, but the moment I told myself to just get over it, put it behind me, and move on with life, I felt a whole lot better. I am focusing on my school work and music, learning a whole lot from the scriptures and all of my classes, staying in touch with family and friends back home, and am just enjoying life right now. My roommate's problems are hers and hers alone. The council I received from my bishop was to just keep on loving, even if I get none in return, and don't let it get to me. Just keep doing the right thing.

I know the Lord is watching out for me, and that as long as I am working hard to be as Christ-like as I can be, then all is well. :)

There is not peace in the apartment, but there is peace in my soul, and what more could I ask for. It is all I have needed for quite some time. A simple change in attitude and a determination to change my thoughts made all of the difference. Plus a lot of prayers and fasting and all of that fun stuff...
See what you can do in your everyday life to think positively. No matter how hard things get, find something to smile about. A great way to start is by opening up the scriptures. Search in the topical guide for something you have a testimony of, or something you want to gain a testimony of, and begin studying. When your thoughts turn to unhappy things, even if they are unavoidable, start thinking of the scriptures. The plan of happiness that God has promised us. I know that by doing this, life will become just a bit more bearable.

Thanks for reading, love you all, and may God bless.

Sunday, January 29, 2012


As far as my last post is concerned, I have figured out what to do.
I went to the temple yesterday and had plenty of time to pray and ponder. I now know what I need to do, and I am grateful for the kind support and love that I receive.

Being at BYU-Idaho has just been great. There are ups and downs, but I am really enjoying my time out here. I am learning more and more that this is where I need to be.

I miss home so much, but I do not think I would trade this opportunity for anything else.
Learning to let things go and find the positive in every situation is difficult, but I am beginning to see the rewards of such hard work. There is still a long way to go in my learning, and a long way to go with difficult situations. I am determined to keep moving forward, no matter what happens, and to share the gospel of Jesus Christ everywhere I go. Be it by my behavior, discussion, actions, or just a smile and a wave 'hello'; I have become aware of how important it is for me, in my life, to live up to what I know to be true.

I challenge all who read this to think about what kind of an example you would like to set in your life. Think about what you want to be remembered for. Think about the people you care about, the people you see everyday, or even the complete strangers you run into throughout life. President Thomas S. Monson, President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, said
"You are an example of righteousness in a world which desperately needs your influence and your strength."

Later in that talk, he quoted D&C 84:88, where Christ says:
"I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." 

I know we can do anything the that Lord commands us to do, and I have faith that it is true - everything He says. Everything the prophets have said. Life is hard and we come across very difficult, annoying, and painful situations from time to time. The gospel of His church brings about the greatest joy you could feel on Earth. Living by the gospel does not mean everything bad will go away. Hardships will still come, temptations will still bother us, and we will get frustrated and lose our patience. We will wonder why, and we will question ourselves and everything around us. We will find ourselves trapped in pits of darkness, unsure of the answers and where to go.

Begin to trust in the gospel. You will find no greater peace, happiness, no more excitement and joy anywhere in the world than where the gospel lays firm and true. With time and faith, all confusion and spiritual clutter will be lifted away, as far as we remain diligent and do what we need to do - pray, read scriptures, attend all church meetings, etc.

Through this, I know I can get through anything.
And I challenge you all to learn that for yourselves, as well. You can do that by being a living example of Christ and obeying His word.

It takes time, but I know we can all do it.

Have a great week, everybody.