Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Angst

In case you haven't been completely bombarded with this news already, I will tell you that school has started once again.

*Woooowwww really? I had no idea!*

I have been dreading this all summer. It has only been two days and I am already working really really hard to be positive. And it is not easy at all

I hate being such a downer, but there are just so many things I cannot stand, and I feel like I'm surrounded by everything that irritates me at once.

Show-offs. Skimpy girls who flirt way too much and grab everybody's attention, especially the guys, and are fake nice to everybody else. Anybody who is just fake nice. People who are flat-out rude. Overly-ecstatic freshmen. Trendy advertising that has nothing to do with the product they're selling. Attempts at trendy advertising at school with SPELLING and GRAMMAR mistakes. Everybody is "so smart" (or so we all think). Peer pressure. Being young and having different expectations from everyone; my age and younger expect the cool, trendy, facebooking pretty girl. Older people expect immaturity, irrationality, self-centered-ness, egotistical snot. I am neither of these and I just want to escape it all.

I have never had, do not have, and will never have peppy school spirit. I find it to be lacking in dignity, and my dignity is a very special thing to me. Yet I am surrounded by it. School emails, people shouting at me to be super excited to be back at Clarke, peer pressure to join EVERYTHING and ANYTHING at Clarke and go to every social event and BE HAPPY.


I just want to be left alone. :(

And I really just strongly dislike the first day of classes. Teachers droning on and on and on and on and on and on and on about stuff we already know about, and then assigning a huge pile of homework without even having any kind of lesson to get us started. Especially after today's classes, I feel like I just wasted about $15 dollars of gas driving to and from school. Being a commuter student and driving a crappy truck, I'm not very pleased with how today went.
Granted, it's not their fault, it really is all just my take on things, but I am struggling to find a positive.

"You're back with your friends!"

Yeah, I get to see them at lunch. The rest of the time I'm with people who, if I ever say anything remotely negative, they oppose it. For example, say I say openly to my classmates whom I've had classes with for 4 solid semesters now something like "I am just not looking forward to this, I would rather just go home", they'll say "oh, well I'm super duper excited for this and I don't think you should go home at all, you should stick around and have fun!"
Oh okay! I'll just go put my party hat on and everything will be fine and snazzy. Yep! Just like that. It's that easy, really!


UGH. I'm not here to "have fun", I'm here to get a stinkin' education, and I don't know what you're on, but I'm just plain old human and I'm going to be grumpy some days.

Then today somebody told me I'm wasting everybody's time by being in Music Education since I don't actually plan on being a teacher. The fact that teaching is my fall-back option is "really sad", and I'll probably suck at my job since it's not my passion.
Well gee, that's good to know! You really just boosted my self-esteem to a whole new level and I feel great about myself! Thanks!



Today just stinks and I want to cry. :( :( :(

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