Monday, July 4, 2011

Back

First I will start off by saying Happy Independence Day! Happy 4th of July, Happy birthday America, God Bless America, ect. Definitely one of my favorite holidays. Patriotism for one's country is something I appreciate and admire, and though I don't necessarily walk around completely decked out in red white and blue, I do sit back and think about all that this country has been through, since the beginning of time, all that it has done for people all around the world, everything good and bad, and all of the blessings we have from living in this beautiful land. I love my country, I'm proud of our soldiers and our veterans (my dad being one of them, along with both grandpas, one who served in the air force, the other the army band), and though politics are messy and there is a lot of contention and controversy in the government, we are all united in this country together, and it is a true blessing to be here.

Now I will go onto something entirely different...
I have not been in quite so much physical pain for a very long time. Well, it feels like it, anyway. My last flare up was last fall, but that was nearly a year ago. However, I'm not having stomach pain, which is quite a relief! No, I'm having back pain. I can't walk without extreme discomfort. Forget about standing up from lying/sitting. I have mastered the art of masking pain in my face, because I don't like that attention, and when I was sick, before I started hiding it, people started to think I was faking it and trying to get attention, even though it was all real. So I'd say I do a pretty good job at hiding it and toughing it out, since, even though I'm better, I'm still in some sort of pain every day and nobody can ever tell.
Anyway. I can't keep a straight face with this back pain. And I can't do anything. I try to tough it out and do stuff, but I end up wincing and nearly falling over. I iced my back for 5 hours today, took plenty of pain meds, had my dad work on my back, and I am just so uncomfortable!! It's muscular, I can tell. It's been hurting for almost a week, but I just thought it was a minor ache that would go away on its own eventually. Didn't think it would get this bad. Moving my arms around when I'm standing hurts, and just simply existing hurts my back period. I cannot get comfortable at all. Fortunately I am off work at dairy queen for the week, but I do have to work at Kohl's twice this week. I am hoping and praying this goes away by Wednesday evening, because I can't even drive right now I'm so uncomfortable.
I dislike that I get severe pain like this. It doesn't make me feel special or anything, I always avoid talking about it because many people would think I exaggerate, and I don't like giving off a negative vibe. But goodness, I can't keep pain silent. Pain gets me tired and easily frustrated, and I find talking about it helps with the frustration. I know it could be worse, and I know I'm only feeling a tiny bit of what Christ felt.
It hurts and stinks right now, but I'll get better. :)  Hopefully in time for work on Wednesday.

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