Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Life

It has been a hard week this past week, and this upcoming week will be just as difficult. I am here to share, not complain.
First, a minor vent to get sad news off of my chest.
Friday evening, I came home after an enjoyable evening to find that Mini, our cat, was bleeding heavily. The cancer tumor on her hip had burst open yet again, and the fur around the wound was soaked. Blood was splattered in areas on my carpet. She meowed a "hello" to me when I walked in, but she was clearly not feeling well. We knew the time would come eventually that her cancer would win, but we did not know it would be this soon. The next morning, we found her curled up on a bed in the garage we had made for her. She was uninterested in moving and she was still bleeding. We called the vet, and at 10:30 I went with my mom to have Mini put to rest.
Not to sound selfish - my family would agree to this - Mini was more my cat than anybody else's. She was one of a kind. Never met a friendlier cat that could love and show as much affection as this little feline did. She followed me everywhere, slept at my feet, between my legs, along my back, curled into my stomach, nuzzled to my chest, and sometimes on my pillow right by my head. Probably one of the hardest, most heart-wrenching things I have ever done - held my sweet, loving kitty, tell her I lover her and stroke her small body, even after it stops rising and falling from her poor little breaths.
I sure do miss that beautiful kitty.


It always seems to be the last two weeks before finals that are the worst, and finals week is just fine. At least when attending a liberal arts school.
And having my lovely Mini die in the middle of this mayhem certainly has not helped.

I am learning a lot. Not only in my education, but about myself. More specifically, my body. My body does not respond to stress well. Tonight is the third night in a row, and fourth night within a week, that I have spent at least an hour in the bathroom, waiting to vomit. The severe nausea eventually passes and jumps straight to my colon and the sickness inside of me announces its presence once again, always reminding me that, though I have power to change my environment, ultimately, I do not have power to stop the sickness that is crohn's disease. I have the will, I have the determination, and I will never give up. Yet I know that this body is imperfect, and it is supposed to be. I know that one day I will be resurrected and the ailments that I fight through today will no longer be a part of my life, and I will be blessed for my strength, determination, and persistence through faith and diligent work. I may not have the power to heal my body, but the atonement does. And I am so blessed to know this.

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