Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Work

Being a poor college student, of course I have been looking for ways to make more money. For several weeks I have been trying to pick up a second job; one that isn't fast food. I have been unsuccessful in my searches, yet this week at Dairy Queen (my current place of employment), I have suddenly been given 15 more scheduled hours of work than originally expected. Also, my manager is having me work later than scheduled so that important work can be done. So far this week, I have worked 16 hours, and am still scheduled for 10 more, which may end up being 12 more.
If weeks keep building up like this all summer, I won't need a second job! Working 20-30 hours a week is exactly what I wanted!! Even though my feet are killing me, it's not even 6:00 and I'm ready to go to bed, and I keep finding chocolate on my arms and white icing in my hair, I am going to feel so much more secure and better off when the summer is over and I have an extra $2,000 from work stowed away in the bank. :)

Hopefully I'll get a raise, too... that would be nice!
But for now, I am just grateful to have a job. I know so many out there are unable to find employment, even for minimum wage, so I am grateful either way to simply have a job.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Glad

I am SO relieved that this semester is over! My life literally feels a good 300 lbs lighter. I really cannot wait until I graduate. What an excellent feeling that will be.

I had ice cream the other day, and tonight, and I have not gotten sick. It is a miracle, truly it is. I thought I was going to be lactose intolerant for the rest of my life. I basically figured that if there is ice cream in heaven, I will have some then, but no more during this life time. I felt the desire to indulge (a very rare occurrence, happens maybe one or two times a year), and I never felt sick. Never. So I tried it again tonight. Still not sick. It's amazing. I think the pro biotics are doing the trick. That, and many many prayers and blessings. As silly as ice cream is, the fact that I am being blessed with this opportunity to enjoy a part of life I have not been able to enjoy for a very long time, tells me that I am doing something right. I am doing the right things. I am taking my life down the right path. Good things keep happening, and I know they come directly from the Lord.
Again, I know ice cream is just so silly, but the happiness this brings to me - being able to eat something I thought I would never be able to enjoy again, and not be in agonizing pain from it, not even have annoying cramps and multiple bathroom visits - this is like a miracle to me. I'm supposed to feel miserable right now. I should be in the bathroom being sick on the toilet. And I'm not. Six long years of this disease, and I am finally seeing signs in my digestive system of actual recovery. The pain can stop, the urgent bathroom trips can stop, but I still can feel sick and tired and weak, and be very limited in my diet. I do still feel very tired and weak, and I imagine I will feel that way for a long time until working brings my strength back. But my diet is improving. This is amazing. I have had the mindset that I will live the rest of my life eating from a very limited diet. This isn't necessarily bad, but the discovery that I might not need to, for me, makes me happy beyond belief!!!! And I know this is a blessing for me directly from my Father above. I'm so glad. :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Steps

As I take things one step at a time, life is becoming so much easier. I finished three major projects today after having worked on many of them for several weeks now. Tonight, at 1:10 am, I officially finished my second to final project. I will have finals 3 and 4 out of six tomorrow, and it will be an excellent day for getting work accomplished. I am so looking forward to getting this next day over with.
It is amazing how much anxiety I realize I have been carrying with me. Now that papers, portfolios, projects, performances, and presentations (that's a lot of p's) are all over, I feel I have made Progress! Ha. I also feel a vast amount of relief and freedom.

On Saturday I had the opportunity to go back down to Nauvoo, Illinois and do a temple session. I have not done a temple session since February of last year. It had  been far too long. I was so excited, and it was by far the most spiritually uplifting experience I have had in the temple. And I know each time I go from here on out will be just as rewarding, if not more. I love going to the temple, and I feel so blessed to be in the Nauvoo temple district. It is such a lovely place. :)
This trip was also unique in that my good friend Nick was able to go through and do baptisms with us for his first time ever, having only joined the church in November.

It was a beautiful day. Sunny, 70s, with my two good friends Nick A and Nick D. Such a wonderful day to be with these awesome people in my life.

Nick A and me in front of the temple


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Life

It has been a hard week this past week, and this upcoming week will be just as difficult. I am here to share, not complain.
First, a minor vent to get sad news off of my chest.
Friday evening, I came home after an enjoyable evening to find that Mini, our cat, was bleeding heavily. The cancer tumor on her hip had burst open yet again, and the fur around the wound was soaked. Blood was splattered in areas on my carpet. She meowed a "hello" to me when I walked in, but she was clearly not feeling well. We knew the time would come eventually that her cancer would win, but we did not know it would be this soon. The next morning, we found her curled up on a bed in the garage we had made for her. She was uninterested in moving and she was still bleeding. We called the vet, and at 10:30 I went with my mom to have Mini put to rest.
Not to sound selfish - my family would agree to this - Mini was more my cat than anybody else's. She was one of a kind. Never met a friendlier cat that could love and show as much affection as this little feline did. She followed me everywhere, slept at my feet, between my legs, along my back, curled into my stomach, nuzzled to my chest, and sometimes on my pillow right by my head. Probably one of the hardest, most heart-wrenching things I have ever done - held my sweet, loving kitty, tell her I lover her and stroke her small body, even after it stops rising and falling from her poor little breaths.
I sure do miss that beautiful kitty.


It always seems to be the last two weeks before finals that are the worst, and finals week is just fine. At least when attending a liberal arts school.
And having my lovely Mini die in the middle of this mayhem certainly has not helped.

I am learning a lot. Not only in my education, but about myself. More specifically, my body. My body does not respond to stress well. Tonight is the third night in a row, and fourth night within a week, that I have spent at least an hour in the bathroom, waiting to vomit. The severe nausea eventually passes and jumps straight to my colon and the sickness inside of me announces its presence once again, always reminding me that, though I have power to change my environment, ultimately, I do not have power to stop the sickness that is crohn's disease. I have the will, I have the determination, and I will never give up. Yet I know that this body is imperfect, and it is supposed to be. I know that one day I will be resurrected and the ailments that I fight through today will no longer be a part of my life, and I will be blessed for my strength, determination, and persistence through faith and diligent work. I may not have the power to heal my body, but the atonement does. And I am so blessed to know this.