Friday, April 29, 2011


It's almost 2 am here, and a while ago I finished writing a major paper with an entire annotated bibliography and a thesis/outline. The entire thing is about 15 pages long. It is for that same class I have mentioned in previous posts...
I have been super stressed this week and it is finally catching up with my stomach. As I lay down in front of the toilet a while ago, expecting to hurl, the infamous youtube sensation "Friday" entered my head, but with a slight twist on the lyrics. I will pour them out here. Yes, I know the grammar is awful. But so are the original lyrics. I'm simply imitating. :) This one goes out to all you who have to deal with crohn's disease!

Rebecca Black for "Crohnies"

7 am waking up for the twelfth time
Gotta run fast, cramps are hitting real hard
Lay on the floor till the pain recedes some
Call into work 'cuz you can't leave the bathroom
Reach for your pills in the bathroom cupboard
Dry swallow cuz you got no time to find a cup
Pain lightens up some, getting some relief

Feelin' a little better
Still a bit under weather
Can't my body make up its mind
How are we gonna feel

(we're gonna feel) Lousy! Lousy!
We're just gonna feel Lousy!
Crohn's Disease aint got no sympathy to spare
Lousy! Lousy!
I'm stuck here feeling lousy!
Crohn's Disease aint got no sympathy to spare

Nausea, nausea ugh!
Nausea, nausea ugh!
I hate this disease
crohn's aint got sympathy to spare

That's all I've got for tonight.
Have a lovely Friday! ;)

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Insomnia plagues me yet another night, despite prescription medication to try and put me into a deep and well-rested sleep. Why this happens to me I have no idea. It is really annoying, though.
Tonight, in my battle with insomnia, my entire right arm has been hurting. To touch, to move, to not even do anything - simply letting it sit there - it hurts. So now, at around 4:30, I decided to get up and get a drink of water only to see that every single joint in my right arm and hand is swollen. All the way up to my neck. I can't stretch my hand all the way open, and unbending my elbow all the way aches and shoots to my shoulder. I am really more frustrated than concerned about this. It will likely go away.

Let me just say I am so grateful for the Plan of Salvation and for the testimony I have of its truth. Especially the part where, when we are resurrected, our bodies will be made perfect. Because mine certainly isn't! Not that I'm not grateful for what I have - believe me, I know it could be worse - but it's still something to really look forward to anyway.
I think I'm losing weight again. Darn school and all its stress.

I should get to the point of the title for this post...
When we moved out of the city and to Durango last year, there was a box of cat food that waited for us on the stairs immediately inside the front door. The lid on it read "for the cat visitors." We only ever got one cat visitor who stuck around to eat the food. Not being a family of cat people, eventually we got the courage up to go pet the cat and see if she wouldn't hiss and freak out on us. The moment we touched her she never stopped purring. Summer went on and she would bask in the sun in our driveway and run to us for petting and attention whenever we were out. When the weather started getting cold, my dad caved and installed a cat door for our heated garage. One day, while somebody was walking in from the garage, the kitty walked in to, looked around, and the expression she carried read something like "yeah, this looks good - I think I'll stay!" Needless to say, our alpha female corgi Tango hated her at first. Always wanted to chase her, could not stand that we were letting such filth of a creature into her home! Now as time has passed, the dogs are all a bit more accepting of her. The cat has received baths and flea baths. She has been previously de-clawed in her front paws. She is the most loving cat we have ever known. For the last 6-7 months she has slept in my bed nearly every night. Around Christmas time we decided she needed a name. She is such a beautiful cat, and the coloring on her is very similar to that of Minerva McGonagal's, the animagus transfiguration professor in Harry Potter when she is in her animal (cat) form. So my mom and sisters called her Minerva. I however, thought Minerva McGonagal was far too long of a name for a cat, so I shortened it to Mini. This suits her well, seeing as she is a smaller-than-average cat. Her size suggests she could pass off as being not quite a year old. The vet tells us however that she is likely 3 or 4 at the oldest.

Mini. She is such a sweet cat. We have never liked cats - they have always been too picky, never very nice, and very selfish in our eyes. This cat is anything but. You could pet her forever and she would never make you stop. She almost never stops purring. She loves to cuddle. As I type, she is sitting in my lap purring.

One thing I have noticed in life is that the worst things happen to the best people.
This applies to animals.
When we first held kitty, we noticed a little notch next to her tail on her hip. Thought nothing of it, really. That is, until it got a little bigger. Still didn't think much of it.
A week ago I gave the cat a bath because she was filthy. She still likes to spend her days outside, catching mice and playing in the woods, so she gets considerably filthy. She had also picked up fleas, so this was a medicinal bath for her as well. When I got her in the tub though and was gently massaging her, I noticed that the skin on the lump on her hip was broken and the fur and skin flapped up. I looked at what was inside, expecting to see some kind of malformed bone, or maybe a bunch of puss start to drain. All was red and sticky and hard as a rock. No bone, no puss.
The wound has not closed. Yesterday Mini went to the vet. Our suspicions were correct. Poor kitty has cancer. However, other than being just a little more cuddly, she doesn't seem to be in any pain whatsoever. She still rolls around in the sun, sprints for the woods, and purrs whenever we merely make eye contact with her bright green eyes.
All night tonight Mini has been insisting that she touch me. She places her paws around my hand, and if I move my hand, she stretches her legs so her front paws remain in grip with my hand. I rolled over and curled up on my side. She jumped over me and snuggled right into my chest, lay her head against my arms and extended her tiny little paws to my hands again.
Such a sweet cat.
I'm going to miss her when the cancer takes over. :(

Only people I've known with cancer I've known before they got cancer, and they are some of the greatest people I've known. I have only known a few, two that I can think of off the top of my head. One is still living, one is not. Both excellent people. It saddens me to think of this awful disease and how gruesome it gets, how it changes lives and breaks the hearts of family and loved ones.

But at the same time, it makes me even more grateful to know the things I know, to have the faith that I have, and have the reassurance that God loves each of us and that there is a plan in store. Everything that happens is a part of it - it's up to us to determine how much we learn from these things and how we make our lives because of them.

I love the church. I love life, even though this body is far from perfect, even though suffering and trial comes in abundance around us, I love life.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Day 20 - Nicknames

Sunshine (Amy Dunker calls everybody that)
Lazorafoo (Oliver and I have inside jokes with nick names - this is mine from him.)

I've never had nicknames that stuck.
Day 19 - Something you miss.

I miss hot dry Texas summers.

Monday, April 11, 2011


To the tune of The Mickey Mouse March:

Now here comes a suck-y day that makes us all depressed!
M-O-N-D-A-Y   S-U-C-K-S!
Monday Sucks! Monday Sucks!
It's the day that makes you really want to cry "I want to die!!"
So we have this day full of anxiety and stress!
M-O-N-D-A-Y   S-U-C-K-S!

Today has been awful!!! :o

I woke up this morning to find I was locked in my room.
After wrestling with the door for a while, I ended up climbing out the window and walking around the house, only to find that all of the doors were locked, except for the one in the very very back. The garage door key pad would not work.
So I got back inside and got my door open.
The cat has fleas, so I washed everything yesterday, but the flea bites I have are growing. Found cortisone cream. It's helping... sort of.
Long frustration episode over trying to find things, almost being late, people giving me dirty looks for parking with my hazards on next to the entrance so I could carry my cello, a stand, a dress, a huge backpack, a purse, music, and dress shoes into the building. Stupid guys!!

I was almost late to my recital preview (which I had to pass in order to have a sophomore recital - I did pass, by the way. Bright side of the day!!).

I was called a "child" today. GRRR!!!!!

I will post more later, the library is closing.

Thursday, April 7, 2011


As I posted yesterday, I have been in desperate need of an escape. Last night I was restless, so I pulled out some of my art supplies and went at it. I didn't bother to look at my finished result until this morning, and I kind of like it. Drawing away and letting my instinct tell me which color to grab next felt really good. It helped a lot. I really should do this more often.
I used oil pastels to create this.

Day 18 - Something you regret.

Hmm. I have forgiven myself for bad choices I have made in the past, so I have moved on. I don't really know if I still regret bad choices. There is nothing I can do about it, so I don't really worry about it. But if there was one thing I could go back and change in my life to prevent hardships and frustration, it would definitely be going back to a certain point in my life, turning my brain back on and getting myself away from trouble before it happened. Lots of challenges could have been avoided had I not made stupid decisions. However, I never would have learned the things I know now if I had not made those decisions. I would be fairly ignorant and naive to the world around me. So again, I don't really know if I regret this. I always try to learn from everything that happens and make the best out of all of it. I don't like everything I have done, but I don't really think I would change anything at all.

I do regret the things I've broken and the things I have left out that the puppy got to and chewed up... yeah.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Day 17 - Something you're looking forward to.

The end of this &*#(@%! semester. For it all to be over. I'm sick of this. So so so sick. Literally. Stayed home from classes today because of a migraine. My appetite is diminishing again from all of this stress. I am ready to quit these stupid classes. I am sick of writing papers. I am through with dealing with this stupid teacher. I am tired of being in this stupid library!!! ALKDHS:FEJFISDJLFEI UGHHH!!!!!!!!!

I need an escape. :(

I need to watch a really really good movie. One that I haven't seen before. I need to cry during it. That, or laugh throughout the whole thing.

I need to get out of town. I need to drive somewhere that is not Dubuque. I want to spend a day in Chicago.

I need to stop blogging and go look for books to check out for research projects. I want to quit.
Day 16 - Dream house.

If I could move here, I would cry.
Day 15 - A Bible verse.

Well, this is from the D&C. Still scripture.
D&C 101:36
Wherefore, fear not even unto death; for in this world your joy is not full, but in me your joy is full.

So important to remember sometimes.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Day 14 - A picture you love.

I don't have a single picture I love, but I do love the photography by my friend Matt Holt.

There is also one particular painting I am very fond of, but I cannot remember what it is titled. It hangs in my dad's office, though. It's a portrait of a sick person in bed, with a doctor treating the patient and worried looking parents. Behind the doctor is Christ, guiding the doctor without him realizing it, but it is clear in the patient's eyes that she sees Christ over the doctor's shoulder.

It's a unique painting, and I like it. :)