Monday, March 14, 2011

Bad Dream

I was so happy to have my alarm clock wake me up this morning! I was having the worst dream!!! It wasn't even realistic, but it was so crazy and scary and upsetting that all rational thought that I normally get in dreams ("wait a second, this is dumb! This has to be a dream!") was pushed aside and I just had to mentally experience all of these horrific crazy events.
It started at Clarke. I was walking outside, a little ways behind two of my professors, John and Amy, who were heading inside. John had left a coffee mug on the side walk - I guess it was a really special coffee mug or something. I picked it up and was running inside to give it to him, when I tripped (I later discovered it was a trap, the president of the school, vice prez, other figures of authority, and some of the teachers I am having issues with set it up for me to trip). The mug broke. I gathered all of the broken pieces and stumbled inside to give John the pieces and give an explanation. However, I tripped again and one of the shards of the broken mug cut his leg pretty badly. I was then dragged off by some people working for the president. They accused me of stealing John's valuable possessions and acting barbaric and insane by smashing the mug and then assaulting him with the remnants.
So I was dragged off to this place.. I still don't quite know what exactly it was. It was sort of a mixture of a detention, a prison, a camp, all in a poorly-built bad-looking castle-like place - and it was there that people who were "misbehaving" or needed "special attention" were punished until they learned to follow orders and "behave" themselves as the school deems worthy.
I was the new person in the system. I was the only one who saw this whole establishment as being unjust and something that needed to be fought. I was the rebel.
The specifics as to what happened from there are kind of blurry, but I remember some of the things that would happen. We were not given a place to sleep. We had to find safe places to sleep where dangerous creatures, like snakes and spiders, couldn't get to us. This often meant being cramped in a cement floor in a closet up high in a rickety tower. I remember people were whipped and I was, too (though I never felt it, thank goodness!). People were tortured into telling the "truth" about what crime they committed that landed them there. This included poisons, being hung naked by wrists or ankles, being strapped to a chair and having your hair pulled out and finger nails dug into your skin. I remember that guys who behaved well for a minimum of two weeks could have sex with (rape) a girl. The girls they could chose from were on a small list of both new girls and girls who were not behaving. I, being the only rebel and also being pretty new, was number 1 on the list. When I figured this out, I tried to sneak out so I could run away before the guys could find me. I managed to find my phone in a locker that had a number of my items hidden away. It had been several days and I had missed a date with a guy. I first wanted to call him and tell him where I was and that I needed his help to get me out. When I called, the "the number you are calling has been disconnected" message. So I tried calling my parents and sister. I received the same message for all of those calls. I ran. I knew the authorities would know I was escaping and would catch up with me soon.
I did get home, but only to find that my family thought I was lying about where I had been. They told me to stop being so immature, quit making up stories. We were going on vacation to Utah to see some cousins. I remember seeing my cousin Shelley, Ben, his wife Dani, and I saw Daina in the distance. We were out in the field and they believed my story, but seemed to be in a trance or something, my story didn't bother them. I asked my parents for the guy's number. They had the same number I did, and it didn't work. I asked my sister for his number, and hers was different. When I called, he believed my story, but did not want to date a girl who could potentially be a danger to his life because of the people who were after her. I wanted to chew him out and tell him he was a jerk and a chicken. I then saw him and chased him down. For some reason, he was dressed like an old woman. This disgusted me and ticked me off. (again, it's a dream, it was crazy!!!) He told me I disgust him and to never speak to him again. This really upset me, seeing as all of my other friends from Clarke and around the area thought I was losing my mind and were avoiding me like the plague. So I ran away from him and back to my family, where I was caught and taken back to the prison place. I was eating lunch with some girls who amazed I escaped and wanted to hear all about it. I told them we needed to take this place down and that I knew some people (the YSA's in my ward) who were going to help attack from the outside while we brought it down from the inside.
There was a lot of hiding, sprinting, sneaky deeds and stealing done, but in the end we managed to bring down the institution. We had to run before people could try to catch us again, and this time it was for good. I got home though and everybody still thought I had lost my mind. None of my friends would speak to me, the guy still hated me, and I ultimately decided I was going to leave town and never come back. Go to school far away and live there. I didn't need this.

That was it. My alarm woke me up right as I made that decision. I was SO RELIEVED!!!!
I have the stupidest dreams! All they do is cause me to wake up with this feeling of despair in my heart. And it haunts me all day!
Funnily enough though, I know where half of the things in the dream come from. Like the professor. And that I was being set up to fail. Being forced to live up to unreasonable (and dishonest) standards, wanting to rebel. My silent fear of rejection. The rest is a mystery to me though.

So whenever somebody wishes me "sweet dreams!", I hope it's an honest wish next time. :P

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